Well New York? This couldn't have come at a more appropriate time. Tomorrow you can beat the heat in Chelsea for a few seconds with a free ice cream courtesy of Mike Weiss. Now all they need is an open fire hydrant for the art collectors to frolick around in and that just might coax us out of our air conditioning coccoon and down to the gallery district tomorrow.
Note the fine print and important restrictions below, including NO ice cream for Jeff Koons, hedge fund guys or anyone associated with Bruce High Quality Foundation.
Press release follows:
MIKE WEISS GALLERY TO CELEBRATE NATIONAL
ICE CREAM DAY WITH FREE ICE CREAM TRUCK
The U.S. ice cream industry generated total revenues of $10 Billion in 2010, with take-home ice cream sales representing the largest section of the market, generating revenues of $6.8 billion or 67.7 percent of the market's overall value. (Source: MarketLine, an Informa business) About 9 percent of all the milk produced by U.S. dairy farmers is used to produce ice cream, contributing significantly to the economic well-being of the nation's industry.
Mike Weiss Gallery was founded in 2003 as being an innovative showcase for the ongoing presentation and promotion of strong, visceral, and visionary contemporary art worldwide. The gallery is dedicated to exhibiting the work of ambitious contemporary artists at all levels of their careers and development.
For Release 5 p.m. EDT, July 19th, 2013
TO ALL POTENTIAL FREE ICE CREAM CONSUMERS:
PLEASE BE AWARE OF THE FOLLOWING:
By consuming the ice cream, you agree to the release of liability at the bottom of the page.
Mike Weiss Gallery does not allow people with sticky hands in the gallery. Please clean your hands before entering the gallery.
Ice cream is not allowed inside the gallery. Air conditioning inside the gallery will slow the melting process and assist you in extending your enjoyment of your ice cream, but we cannot abide confections of any kind to come near the priceless art works. It's simply not worth the risk.
NO Fakers are EVER allowed inside the gallery, especially not on National Ice Cream Day.
NO ice cream for Super Storm Sandy adjusters.
NO cones for artists who did not finish art school.
ONLY one scoop allowed for artist Fred Tomaselli.
NO ice cream for members of Bruce High Quality Foundation.
ANYONE from Horton Gallery is not allowed to partake in the free ice cream. The reasons why are known only to the director and a certain artist at Horton Gallery.
NO ice cream for any artist that works with yarn.
IF you feel sick or nauseous, go ahead and eat the ice cream. It will help settle your stomach.
NOTHING for Freight and Volume owner, Nick Lawrence.
NO strawberry ice cream for Red Haired girls under nine.
NO ice cream for any hedge fund guys.
NO ice cream for girls in the gallery, salad only.
NO ONE from Mathew Marks gallery is allowed any ice cream, ever.
IF you are wearing flip flops, just turn around, go walk on the High Line and get a paleta. And hey, buddy, grow up!
NO ice cream for Jeff Koons, his assistants are welcome to enjoy double scoops.
Limit one per customer, unless you sneak back in line to get another one.
You will be required to agree to the following:
I, the consumer of the free ice cream, do hereby release and forever discharge Mike Weiss Gallery, their agents, employees, successors and assigns, and their respective heirs, personal representatives, affiliates, successors and assigns, and any and all persons, firms or corporations liable or who might be claimed to be liable, whether or not herein named, none of whom admit any liability to the undersigned, but all expressly denying liability, from any and all claims, demands, damages, actions, causes of action or suits of any kind or nature whatsoever, which I now have or may hereafter have, arising out of or in any way relating to any and all injuries and damages of any and every kind, to both person and property, and also any and all injuries and damages that may develop in the future, as a result of or in any way relating to the following: consumption of ice cream. Mike Weiss Gallery is released from any liability, which may include, but is not limited to: brain freeze, vomiting, intestinal failure, deep thrombosis, tooth cavity, violent outburst from sugar rush, lactose intolerance symptoms, surfer's ear, memory loss, rash, bleeding, gum disease, shoes untied, grossly enlarged eyelids, mental illness, knock knees, high cholesterol, jaundice, cauliflower ear, hammer toe, balding, frozen nipples, swiss cheese face or moldy skin.
It is understood and agreed that expulsion of digested ice cream through the poop hole is a full and complete settlement and satisfaction of the causes of action, claims and demands mentioned herein; that this Release contains the entire agreement between the parties; and that the terms of this Agreement are contractual and not merely a recital. Furthermore, this Release shall be binding upon consumption of the ice cream, and includes consumer's respective heirs, executors, administrators, personal representatives, successors and assigns. This Release shall be subject to and governed by the laws of the State of New York. Cameron Gray and Birth of a Legend did not come up with any of this nonsense. It was all Mike Weiss. He's a neurotic workaholic who is secretly obsessed with all things Ronald Reagan and will do anything to bolster his legacy.