Nancy A. Tobin
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I grew up a military brat. Being forced to relocate over fourteen times before I turned nineteen, the repeated trauma of forced dislocations has set up within me an internal conflict: heightened fears of loss and rejection, countered and overcompensated for by fierce independence and self-isolation; a denial of the need for others. The urge to attain Eros (love and connection) is suppressed, denied, and pushed away, consciously and subconsciously blocked by the ego's defensive death drive (drive towards death, destruction and non-existence).
Through my installations and the darkness of Freudian dreamlike psychoanalysis, the conflicts of my conscious and subconscious desires and anxieties are brought to the light and confronted, creating a tension that is disquieting, yet beautiful. Through self-examination and analysis, truths are exposed, on a personal level, and more broadly, on a human level...we are all isolated, must all reconcile the aloneness, must all become practiced at holding the discomfort of the unfatho mable emptiness. How does one endure? How does one come to some sense of workable terms and accept what feels like being powerless in the face of the unmasterable? The juxtaposition of diametrically opposed forces that clash to create a contensious state of confusion, enwrapped with beauty, is analogous to the breaking down of the ego's defenses; getting comfortable with the repeated dying to the self, ultimately surrendering, to transcend aloneness and become one with the ultimate Eros, God.