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Monopoly in Appalachia

It was so great that I finally found a girl friend in that one-horse town. It was so lonely out on the farm....I was the only little girl in the mile radius and all the older boys were always pawing at my privates.

Later on in my life my therapist told me that, in other cultures/countries, it's really not such a big deal that little girls get pawed at at such a young age. That makes me feel much better about what I'm about to divulge.

That friend that I told you about earlier...she was a fews years older than I, and was borderline IQ. I used to go visit her on the weekends, as I remember it. When I first walked into her house, her parents were on the couch watching TV but, upon closer observation, they were sort of having sex. Well, I had never really seen anyone having sex before because my parents kept all of that secret, but these folks must have been from a different culture because they weren't embarrassed at all. They said "Hello" and everything but really didn't want to be bothered by anyone, so my new girl friend and I went upstairs. I was ever so enthusiastic to see her room. They had such a nice, modern house and I figured she would have the latest in technology and stuff.

She did have a nice room and she was really nice. She made me feel so welcome. Then she suggested we play Monopoly. I had never heard of that game but I am always eager to learn something new! I didn't know the rules but she certainly did! She told me that, upon every house I lost to the bank, I would need to take off an article of clothing. Well, I thought that to be an odd thing but she knew way more than I did because she was older and had played the game before. So after I learned that I had no business sense at all and after I had lost all my slum buildings, I also realized that I had also lost most of my clothing. She sure seemed to know this game well. She kept telling me the consequences of my poor skills and what I had to do next because of it; before you know it, she attained way more than Park Avenue!

Funny thing...I was always so ashamed to mention any of this because Appalachians are very proud of the fact that they are so moral and proper and all, and I figured I would be ostracized for my outlandish behavior, so I kept my mouth shut about it for a long time.

When you think about it, it's really not such a big deal...two young kids "playing doctor". Yet, the very people who would tell you it's not such a big deal had much bigger skeletons in their closets.

So I thought I would share this with all of you in case you were ever made to feel ashamed for something so trivial.


Posted by Virginia Erdie on 3/30/09

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