Today at the office, it was a full page day. As in, the legal pad (legal size) that I write phone notes on was completely filled. I have a method, see; first I write notes on the pad. Then I either answer the caller's questions myself, transfer the call to the appropriate party (confidently stating who the hell the caller is since I made notes), or "take a message", meaning that once I hang up my notes will be translated into humanspeak and written into the pad of perforated pink and blue rectangles backed with carbon paper. For some reason, I'm often accused of being methodical.

Lately I've only been filling a half sheet - don't know what got into them today. Motivated on Monday? Who the hell ever heard of that? Monday's the day we all sit on our asses pretending we're not at office jobs we hate; don't these putzes know this? I'm used to the slew of calls after 3pm on Friday, everyone in the tri-state area remembering, "Damnit! I was supposed to take care of that before the weekend!" and then calling me up like I've done them wrong by not divining their needs beforehand. Maybe this is a next-week-I-go-on-vacation version of that? Who knows.

Of course, today I was computerless - the office version of a quadriplegic at the gym. My poor little PC... in computer years, I'd guess he's around a hundred. Well come last Monday, the first day of our office manager's weeklong absence (of course), he threw in the towel. First I got the fuzzy flickering screen of incomprehensible code. Restart: blackness. Restart: beeping, in threes. We went on like this all last week, me trying to make the computer start every morning, and then sadly retreating to said office manager's desk in the scary scary back part of the office, far from my safe and comfortable isolated hole up front.

This morning I tried it again, with no other box to fall back on, and to my enormous shock it started up! I was a little sad - on Friday my attorney had said they'd buy me a new computer, and that's always exciting. But it would be nice to be back in my hole, able to do my work and not constantly bother people for things I should be able to do myself. Well, I got so far as the desktop... after it had been frozen for twenty minutes, and was not responding to ctrl+alt+del, I restarted: blackness. Again, and: beeping. Again: more beeping. Again: fuzzy flickering screen of incomprehensible code. Well then. Back to square one, aren't we.

* * * * * * * * * *

Questions are boiling over in my mind, getting hotter and hotter, spilling right out onto the stove. Why am I working full time if I'm not making enough to live on? No vacation, no sick days, no health insurance? I know my reasons, my answers. That any other job would take more time, would take more of me. Yes, but it would also provide more comfort, more stability. But at what cost? Look at the cost you're paying now. Look at your savings account, and your calculations. Money isn't everything. No, not until you don't have any. I still have some. So... talk to you in September? That is, IF everything works out like you think it will right now. THAT happens pretty often, doesn't it? Aw, shut up. Who asked you anyway?

Come September-ish, I have a feeling I'll be looking for job number four of the year two thousand and eight.

Man, my taxes this year are gonna be a nightmare.