I sold the rights to my Artslant blog "96 Hrs. to L.A. and back" for five figures!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: australian generation x artist james deweaver James DeWeaver i sold the right to my artslant blog for five figures
Many of my readers will be familiar with my blog "96 Hrs. to L.A. and back", and i'm sorry to have to tell you that there will be no more due to the fact i sold the rights to the story and it effectively is NO LONGER mine!
I was as surprised as anyone when i received an e-mail inquiring if i would "sell my Blog", well atleast the story "96 Hrs. to L.A. and back",i thought sure, i'd have no problem with that,.......... i get paid and they get to do what they want with the original.
So for people to think oppurtunies don't exist i'm proof to tell you they do, i NEVER had any intention other than to put the story down, and then i did, someone was impressed enough to send me a cool five figure check, AWESOME!
ALL the 96 Hrs. to L.A. and back episodes which are on my blog will stay!
If you want to read it from the beginning, here's the link to save you some time http://www.artslant.com/chi/articles/show/11735
This doesn't mean i will stop blogging because i won't, but i thought it would be a good idea now that the deals been closed to let my readers know what happened!
Strangled to death by his own invention!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: #GM General Motors Thomas Midgley australian generation x artist James DeWeaver strangled to death by his own invention
Thomas Midgley, born May 18,1889 on College Hill, Beaverfalls Pennsylvania.
"Who the hell is he you might ask"?, and "How he has affected every person on the planet alive now and in the indefinite future for generations to come",................I'll explain.
Midgley, a man who never knew the damage he was directly linked to, as in his mind he was "helping" mankind by creating a fuel additive known then as Tetraethyl lead and Bromine in 1921, for the reasons of stopping the knock in the early combustion motors of cars and trucks, and was so toxic it not only poisoned him, but is responsible for atleast eleven horrible deaths of the unfortunate workers who were poisoned making this deathly chemical cocktail for the General Motors Corporation it goes on.
After his first known mass killings work at Delco, a Corporate criminal organization in 1928, Midgley was too smart to lose, so was then transferred to Frigidaire, a subsidiary of General Motors Conglomerate, where Midgley's EVIL genius mind devised ANOTHER, even greater contaminent to mankind, I speak of Dichlorodifloromethane, which is basically a mixture of Chlorine,Fluorine and Carbon, or as we all know it now as CFC's, which the diabolical General Motors trademarked as Freon, and is a common component of air conditioners, insect repellants, and it's primary use in the first place, refrigerators!
Freon displaces oxygen in the atmoshere, and will asphyxiate you in your sleep and you'd never know about it,............but G.M. had this knowledge and did NOTHING, and would of done nothing, WHY?,...because it made sh*tloads of money for them and their shareholders, greedy bastards!
It wasn't until a semi-ban in America and other first world countries mandated it no longer be used in their populations, in the third world, this is STILL in common use today!
Freon, and General Motors are directly to blame, no one else has destroyed everyone's quality of life, and continually destroy's our PLANET's Ozone layer beyond repair permanently reducing mankinds protection from the sun, thus reducing mankinds protection from skin cancers, ultra -violet radiation to our eyes, causing mutations in human genes(DNA), it weakens our immune systems, and plays havoc on reproduction systems in human being's and animals on the WHOLE PLANET!
This homicidal reprobate wrote a very uninformed and heavily censored paper for General Motors, where he cavalierly claimed the ozone layer could be manipulated to control the entire planets climate and atmoshere!What an INSANE joke, Did he think he was God? absoleutly NOT, he was a MANIAC masquerading as a Scientist and his employers G.M.were, and still are as culpable for the irreverseable damage to humankind and OUR Planet Earth as anyone, G.M.'s shareholders especially then, and to this very day, and maybe soon will need to pay back all their ill gotten gains or face jail, not that it will do any good now!
Fortunately for ALL of us Karma caught up with this Evil genius on Nov 2 1944, when he was strangled to death ha ha by one of his own inventions! Thomas had contracted polio in 1940, so he had designed a pulley mechanism which he used to get around his home,............ it did to him what i wished had happened years earlier because if it had, our planet and all its inhabitants would all be better off, of course G.M. wouldn't have been but who really gives a shit about a Corporation which never gave two shits about humankind, they just wanted Money and more money, rapacious greed without foresight or thought of the future inhabitants of the planet!
Midgley, a truly horrible man, lower than any filthy animals turd, a person indirectly responsible for killing and maming through DNA damage MORE people than Ghengis Khan, Alexander the Great, the Roman Empire, the Roman Catholic Church, the Ottoman Empire ,the British Empire from 1066 to present day, Hernan Cortez and all the known Conquistadors, Every despotic Roman Caesar, every Belgian leader from the 15th. century to present day, Henry Ford, Josef Stalin, Adolf Hitler, Chairman Mao, David and Charles Koch, and every American President from John Adams to present day put together!
The laudation of this ass-wipe is criminal, and these organizations which hail this madman should be ashamed of their ill-guided praise for him!
National Inventors Hall of Fame.(Shame)Dow chemical,where Midgley was V.P., Ethyl-Dow chemical Co.1933-40, DuPont,V.P. of Kinetic Chemicals 1930-33, Electrolux, V.P.Frigidaire 1928-30, & the American Association for The Advancement of Science, amongst many others.
KARMA WILL GET YOU!
SHAME on them all!
I was totally pilled out and stoned again!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: i was totally pilled out and stoned again James DeWeaver australian generation x artist
To be read after "Playboy and Hef the Monument to American culture" for continuity in - 96hrs. to L.A. and back -
Well that had been fun, meeting Hef finally and watching him at his work, this was something like watching DaVinci i'm sure, yes two completely different types of expertise and genius but UNDOUBTEDLY BOTH will be remembered throughout the future annuls of history.
Sonya and Meredith had been waiting just outside for me while i'd been in my meeting, and when i exited, they both came up and playfully kissed me on the cheek and told me we were heading "home" now for the night well and truly, i'd seen Hef and we'd had fun at the party earlier on and met a whole new array of personalities and new contacts what more could i have possibly wanted now except to go back and unwind with these two!
We head for the main door exit, i look at my watch and it's alittle past four, we leave the main house proper with not a soul in sight, the music is non-existent and the security guards are the only ones around, although the BIG Maybach is still here which could only mean one thing,..................Snoop Dogg is still somewhere on the property!
I decide to let better judgement take course here and forget about catching up with Snoop tonight that's for sure, sh*t.................... if i hadn't just come half-way around the world i'd of surely been ready to see the sun come up that's for fu*k'in sure, as it was though, i was NOT in that condition and my best and only option then was to split and head home A.S.A.P.!
Otis was there just where we left him earlier, this guy was good, real professional, and i was so glad that none of us had to drive, probably because to drive safely it's normally a prerequisite too "NOT BE DRUG EFFECTED", well that sure as SH*T wasn't any of us here and now, and the funny thing was after we got back into the limo to leave, without either of them on top of me this time, i look and see Sonya starting to roll up one of her "trumpet" doobies out of the "Charlie Sheen", fu*k she must of read my mind, this girl was good, i'd been "sting'in" for a joint as soon as i had left the building, this was fun sh*t , you could smoke your guts out and it never really wiped ya out, or it didn't wipe me out atleast, just tasty flavourful buds!
It wasn't long before i had handed to me a "specimen" of a doobie, decidely "top shelf" these "trumpet" doobies look just like something you'd get at the Amsterdam Coffee houses, i was just totally taken back at her dexterity in being able to do such perfect doobies in an almost totally pilled out and stoned frame of mind, ...........just a wonder!
I lit this little bastard up as fast as i can and take one "BIG" toke on it and pass it on to Sonya, i held it in for five seconds or so and before i even blow it all out i feel this cooling rush flowing around my brain, just amazing,..............,., i'm just fu*ked as i melt backwards into the cushions, Sonya and Meredith see this and both come on either side of me and sit right next to me, they looked worried so i gave them a two thumbs up sign which set a look of relief across their faces, and like the drug freaks we all had become, by the time our trip home was over these two were laying flat out with just the doobies hang'in out their mouths, could barely move, they looked like they were fu*ked out on opium, totally toe down the both of them, made me laugh i can tell ya!
Playboy and Hef the "Monument" of American culture.
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: playboy and hef the monument of American culture James DeWeaver australian generation x artist #Playboy
To be read after "Snoop Dogg was nowhere in sight" for continuity in - 96 hrs. to L.A. and back-
Sonya,..............Meredith, would you mind, i'd like to talk to James privately, and on that they both exited leaving us alone. Please........... have a seat for me James and i'll just finish this up as we speak.
"Have ya had some fun tonight James"?,........... "fun,...........fun would be an under-statement" i reply, "this whole day full stop is beyond my wildest dreams" i added. "Good, good, we were hoping the house and party would be suitable for your visit to see us",..........i was more than suited with the way i'd been treated as a guest i add, "the house and the Art in it are incredible let alone the cars" i relay to him, "did you like shooting the "Casull" he asks, " that .454 Casull was a real kicker"!,............ "yeah...laughing, it looked like you need some practice with that "beast"! That's funny, he referred to it as a beast just like i had when i had been firing it down in the shooting range.
"So what DON'T you know about what i've been up to since i arrived at the house" i ask, "hey it's a security measure,......... don't worry about it, have you not been able to do whatever you've wanted to do since your arrival",................ , he was right about that that's for sure, he may of known my location but what i was doing was info he didn't have which was fine with me,............i didn't really want him to know anyway as any right minded person would of wanted.
"Come here, .... i want you to have a look at the next issue and tell me what you think" so i slowly walk over to where it was layed out, my torpidity of earlier on had vanished and i was virtually back to "normal", "wow,.... this looks sensational" was what first came out and i meant it, as i carefully view what would be on the magazine stands soon enough!
"He starting laughing, quite hard actually "i haven't seen a reaction as good as that in years James.....(laughing) you crack me up" continuing to laugh, i guess i was sightly more "out of it" than i had ever realized but i didn't care as i was having a good time and that was all that was ever asked of me the whole time i was staying there with him!
My opinion was something that of course wasn't in the slightest bit required, i like to think he was being inclusive, which to me was as an Artist, was a very kind and appreciated gesture of goodwill and friendship, what more this great man could've done for me while i was there is nothing, he had all the bases covered that's for sure!
I was fairly sure by the way he was talking to me about my "companions" Sonya and Meredith that he'd only wished he'd been my age, as these two were as i had found out already were "special" and he instinctively knew this, sh*t,....when you've met and seen nude as many babes as Hef had in his "lifetime",... let's just say he had "impeccable taste in the female of the species".
" I'm having a few people around this afternoon for an "after-party" James can i expect to see you there"?, "sure, i'm gonna need to leave and get some shut eye now though as i'm feeeling the "jet-lag" pretty hardcore now" i reply, "good, .......i'm off soon myself and just want to make sure you'll be there so we can talk some business", "the three of us wouldn't miss it" i reply, "O.K. James.........................see ya tomorrow" as his head bowed down to the glow table and the hand with the magnifying glass went up, i stood momentarily in the shadows of the brightly lit room before exiting and watched this living monument at what someday would never ever exist, this moment captured in time and in my mind will last longer than he.
"I dazed out when i did this and the next thing i know he asks "was there anything else James"? ................"Oh,............oh no,no, i was just in a daydream" i tell him as i turn and head for the door for the final time leaving silently.
Snoop Dogg was nowhere in sight!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: Snoop Dogg was nowhere in sight James DeWeaver australian generation x artist
To be read after "She had gotten off by almost getting me off" for continuity in - 96hrs. to L.A. and back!
I remember standing there thinking to myself after this angel departed well what the hell was that about? I reckon she was just horny as i look in the mirror while washing my hands and face briskly to try too liven up some more, that little brief interlude certainly helped "wake me up"!
I also remember think that there was NO WAY i was going to tell anyone else, ESPECIALLY Sonya or Meredith, that was info not required to know for these two, this would remain unknown to them the entire time, sh*t if i had told Sonya for one she probably would of known her and two it was just something that they really didn't need to know, i knew one thing for sure though and that was i would not be seeing her ever again.
I got back to our agreed point of meeting i they ladies looked "good as gold", not that they went in looking bad but when they came out they were looking even better! The memory of what happened in the bathroom instantly fades, as i know that two are ALWAYS better than one, and at the end of the night i'll be heading "home" with these two regardless of what i do.
Sonya took my hand and i Meredith's and we were off, through the internal labrynith of the "Playboy Mansion", this is as good as it gets if you ask me, if people could really grasp the cultural significance of what culminated in and through one man's vision and dream come to life they'd realize aswell that this glorification and sexualization of women has come full circle with men in the culture today, and you don't see people complaining and marching and picketing and writing in letters to their Government reps both local and state as what happened when Hef's vision hit the streets. The religious right came out in full force with good ole' Anita something or other at the forefront, and of course Betty Friedan ............ what a piece of work she was! This all goes back before my time really, but i've seen alot of doco footage and vastly differing interpretations of this time period of the sexual revolution in American during the height of Playboy.
All these radically religious middle-aged and barren hate filled hags who'd centered their targets over a bloke who probably saved more marriage's than harmed, couldn't do or say enough too damage Hef's vision and look where THEY are all now,.............. dead, or Institutionalized..................... NOT HEF!
"Where's he at" i ask Sonya, "viewing the negatives for the New Years edition" she say's "this is where the final picture of the shoot are selected to be in the edition", great, i get to see the latest issue before it's even out in the new year!
We finally arrived after our little "attempted" bailout failed earlier, Sonya knocked................ we waited................... "come on in" was the eventual reply in a voice which i instantly recognize, and as we walk in i see why the hesitation, he's peering over a glow table with some of the prints being closely examined with a rather larged magnifiying glass, "Ah......... James, thought we'd almost lost ya there"! "you knew we left?" i say smiling, "James,........i know most things that go on around here and did you forget about the "bubble" around your neck, ah "the bubble", of course, this was like an active RHF signal very easily traced and tracked, knowing this he's probably known the whole time where we were and what we were up to, not that it both's me, the security feature well outweigh any other use for this "bubble",........ shit, it's not like it had stopped me from doing anything i didn't already want too do!
She had gotten off by almost getting me off!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: James DeWeaver she had gotten off by almost getting me off australian generation x artist
To be read after "Time and MDMA are strange companions" for continuity in-96 hrs. to L.A. and back-
We stagger out of the limo after the door opens, Otis says he'll be right here as there's no need to move at this point in time, i take note and we head past the security guys we passed by no more than fifteen minutes earlier heading in the OTHER direction!
The "ladies" need to freshen up abit as do i so we decide to go to the restrooms and atleast look as presentable as possible, they were looking fine no worse for wear at all, the "make-up computer" which Meredith had used back at the "house" had done its trick as she still looked phenominal ,...........were as i on the other hand looked "like a dog's dinner", but wasn't feeling as bad as i was looking i can tell ya!
Sonya points me in the directions i need to go to get to the "head" and we agree to meet back here, the same spot in about five minutes, "no worries" i tell them and i'm off.
Now this is the "main" house we're in, not as big as some people think, i mean it is big, really big, it's not huge is what i'm saying, so it shouldn't be too difficult for me to find the place right.....................wrong!
I was really in another dimension in my head i guess, i followed the directions Sonya told me, it's just that i ended up walking into the wrong bathroom, i walked in and there was a woman in there washing her hands, i might add a well preserved woman i'd guess to of been in her early forties, I apoligize to her rather effusively as i was rather embarrassed, she tells me she's done and that this is a "unisex" bathroom anyway, "great i'm thinking", and then i suddenly recognize her from the tunnel ride on the monorail.
SHE was a Playmate from the late eighties or early ninties, i don't remember exactly and i DON'T tell her this, she's NOT in a party outfit although there's was NO DOUBT she was there as she's still got some makeup on and a rich red lipstick. She was actually just wearing some rather ordinary white night lingerie, top was see through i might add,(stunning and rather large real breasts) as this part of the house is for the "special" visitors and she sure as fu*k was "special", the one thing she had over Sonya and Meredith was time, for her beauty was not surpassed by either of the younger women, this WOMAN really was one know doubt in my mind and in what i was seeing, and like a complete doll that she was asked me if she can "help me out " as i guessed in her eyes i looked like i needed it and as she came along side of me and placed my right arm over her shoulder, she was also a tall woman aswell which helped, i didn't really require her assistance but she so nice i didn't want to hurt her feelings in anyway, so we began to slowly walk over to the wall urinal in tandem, we reach the destination and before i can say anything to her for her help my zipper was down and my co*k was out i kid you not, "go ahead" she said to me as i willingly let her take aim for me now as she really did want to help me and i was all too willing i can tell ya!
I finished and she gave me a quick few shakes, not so much shakes more like rubbing lengthwise which i thought was really for her own pleasure and enjoyment really as she practically masturbated me, i wouldn't say she took advantage of me when i was vulnerable and drug-fu*ked though, i knew the whole fu*k'in time what this "sheila" was up too! After her "fun time" she proceeded to grabbed a tissue to make sure i was dry after the piss which i have to admit was very thoughtful indeed, put my dick back into my underwear, zipped me up and walked me over to the wash area at which point she told me she was "off to bed now" wink wink, and that she was three doors down and to the left if i got "lost" again, i thanked her but never caught her name and she thanked me which was kind of strange i thought until i realized she had gotten off by almost getting me off!
Time and MDMA are strange companions!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: #SnoopDogg #charliesheen australian generation x artist James DeWeaver time and mdma are strange companions
To be read after " Rolling a good joint is a real Talent" for continuity.
Sonya starts to hand this five inch long joint in my direction but i stop and insist she do the honors of having the first tokes, a common rule in my books is, if someone makes it then they should naturally be the first to enjoy the rewards of their effort, both Meredith and Sonya were lightweights when it came to smoking weed so i knew it wouldn't be long before it headed in my direction. I was really hoping it would give me abit of a mental pick-up, i was alright though, totally toasted, but as long as i could sit down and have a spliff every now and again i was fine and soon enough i had the "trumpet", it tasted great, there must of been another bud mixed in with it as it had a different flavor than the first few "scoobie's" we'd already had during the night earlier on.
I had two or three tokes on it when Sonya's phone rang, i was glad my phone was off for now i was in lala land and feel'in good and wanted to stay that way for now, i'd check soon enough for any new messages anyway.
Sonya was done in no time and said "that was Barbara, Hef's P.A., she thinks we're still at the party", "ah....... you didn't tell her we left"? i reply, "no, we gotta turn around and head back, he's expecting us and i know right where he's at", Sonya had the call on this one, she'd been such a great companion as was Meredith incidentally, it was obvious the only thing to say was ....... O.K, let's go, the night's still youngish,............ alittle past two forty according to my watch, we hadn't really gone all that far in relative terms and FU*KING AGAIN the "Charlie Sheen" did it's thing and i was feeling totally cool again, buzz'in but styl'in,....the juice and the doobie in the limo along with some Lindor white chocolate which was the bomb i might add, so i quickly let Otis know that we've gotta return to the mansion and if he can get us there fast that would be great! Maybe a sign that i was more fu*ked than i could tell, as this was a forty foot? long limosine, maybe longer and driving a vehicle of these dimesions at speed are only for the pro's of which Otis was one NO FU*K' IN DOUBT ABOUT IT!
We were back i swear to God before i'd even finished the spliff, i couldn't believe it, time and MDMA are strange bedfellows, it (time) can literally go so fast that it seems not to be true but oh it was as we pulled into the driveway and head for the circular exit point close to the main door.
There's only one limo there this time and this is NOT your ordinary limo, whoever owns this has some bulk money, i'm pretty sure i already know what it is but i ask Otis anyway if he knows what type of limo that is and he tells me "it's a Maybach seventy two stretch limousine", "no sh*t,........ how much does something like that cost" i ask, "about seven hundred thousand dollars American"! Bulk money was required to have a four wheeled work of craftsmanship like this and as we pull up behind it i can see the licence plate and what it has as it's number is this, "dashizl"!
Now there's only one person who i know of who could one, have the money for a Maybach and two, "dashizl", that's Snoop Dogg's street talk for "the Sh*t", and he said he'd be here when i spoke to him earlier on, ............ well this is gonna be fun, Snoop's out for abit of a "sniff" tonight, escaped from the dog pound maybe who know's, our main concern now though is to get to Hef before he pulls the pin for the night!
Rolling a good joint is a real Talent!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: #charliesheen australian generation x artist James DeWeaver rolling a good joint is a real talent
To be read after "The Love Boat is dated now" for continuity in - 96 hrs. to L.A. and back!
This wasn't good for me now, i was beginning to think that this was gonna be a big hit and miss for the night then Sonya mentioned that there's always the "after party" later on that very day,.......... shit, i had forgetten totally about the after parties, these were fairly low key and really a chill-out from the previous nights drugs that's what i've always thought them to be atleast!
The "ladies" know that my energy levels are starting to fall and suggest that we just go back "home' and relax and i can go to bed after a Japanese hot bath and massage from them and we can all go to bed as they were both cool with that, they were there almost like "nurses" for me, they were able to do what i wasn't and their plan for the bath and massage which was totally unsolicited by myself sounded really good to me, and thinking for about two seconds........................then i pressed my little pager button to let Otis know we were ready to be picked up at the main entrance which we slowly proceeded to head towards, it wasn't far but i was really tired and the jet-lag was a killer! I was disappointed i hadn't caught up with him and as Sonya and Meredith keep telling me ..........."you'll see him tomorrow- don't worry about it, he'll understand and will be cool with it" which was of some relief and as i was in no real mind to offer any argument i just needed to get back and wipe-out for about twelve hours or so and i'll be right! We walk past a fairly inebriated character who's on a FOX program who's name i'll leave out other than "Greg" was "pissed as a knewt"! We head out and pass the security who probably could write up some good gossip on what happened here tonight NO DOUBT!
We head out the door and like clockwork the Casull toting Otis has got the Limo there ready and waiting with the door open for us, the three of us practically fall through the door onto the large deep couch seats which this Limo has in it and does this feel good! I just melted into them and Meredith and Sonya onto me, we were all totally out of it, the MDMA was in FULL EFFECT now, and yeah i was heading back "home" but i knew from my past that there was a snowball's chance in hell that i'd be able to sleep................ well not atleast for another eight to ten hours, as the MDMA WON'T LET YA!, even if your totally hammered and tired the drug just keeps you awake, so the bath and the massage were gonna be what i was gonna need to FULLY come down and relax, as too Sonya and Meredith.
As we leave we reposition ourselves into a more realistic travelling mode, having the two of them on top of me now wasn't as comfortable as one would think. I grabbed my little bag of the "Charlie Sheen" ganja and pass it to Sonya to make us all a spliff to remember as this was something which i never wanted to forget and never will once this story is finished and down in black and white which i hope your all enjoying and thank you for your participation!
Meredith put the tunes on with the video, this was epic the screens came down from the underling in the roof then flattened out about midway down the limo and about five feet wide and four feet tall, with these psychedelic video's being played on them very mesmerizing and almost hypnotic, i was so fu*k'in spaced out by them and before i knew it Sonya's made a cracker of a "Trumpet" doobie, now she's was good, even as blitzed as she was and could still roll a doobie like that is a real "talent"!
The Love Boat is dated now!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: the love boat is dated now James DeWeaver australian generation x artist
To be read after "Vince Neil made Elvis look anorexic" for continuity in - 96hrs.to L.A. and back! -
I have to admit i was at a slight advantage here at the party as most of these people were already known to me, well atleast their faces and their names were, and maybe a movie or television program they had been on, while i on the other hand was someone rather "anonymous" and unknown to all, aswell as having travelled all the way from Australia for the "gig" - which was a bonus for me as i would soon come to find out.
I was having fun in a way just doing what we were doing though, going from place to place seeing things and new people that i would've never had the chance to do back home. The laugh Stiller and i had at Neil's expense was priceless and will be remembered fondly. As we were about to go our separate ways Ben asked "Well what are you doing now?", i turned to Sonya and was just about to tell Ben we were going to find Hef as we hadn't seen him yet as we had to make a quick entrance into the house as Bruce Jenner and Kim Kardashian were ahead of us............ and Jenner makes me want to throw up everytime i lay my eyes on him.
Stiller laughed and then proceeded to ask if we'd like to come over to his table where his wife and a few others were, "Sure" i reply, looking at my watch it's almost quarter past two, haven't seen Hef YET, but what happy to go with Stiller and his group for awhile, he had a table off of the main area and we had many good laughs from Politicians to Pop stars, i tell Ben that i remember watching episodes of "The Love Boat" when i lived in America, and his father Jerry played roles on it which were ........... well at the time were very contemporary in regards to the humor and story themes, but watching them today makes them look EXTREMELY dated and SO fu*king uncool!
Stiller was doing well, totally sober as was his wife, but Ben had lived in L.A. long enough to know that i was pretty fu*k'in out of it, but he also knew that i'd flown from OZ, halfway around the world that is, and had slept about five hours since my arrival, the fact that i was an Artist would all add up to Stiller not giving two sh*ts about my intoxication, hell i told him about the bada*s "Charlie Sheen" we'd been smoking before we even arrived, on top of the "tripstasy/ MDMA we'd had at the house.
We only briefly talk, time was not a luxury, Hef doesn't stay up all night anymore, sh*t he's eighty who'd expect him too, i'll be lucky to see the night through, fu*k ....... i haven't stayed up all night for atleast a decade myself and i'm less than half his age! I get his phone number as he'd like to talk to me again before i head back home, AND "when i've got a clear head" is how he referred to it as, totally PC, i was fully fu*ked!
After saying our goodbye's and getting his number entered into my phone we depart into the whirlpool of people again, this was becoming a really active night, we kept bouncing from place to place in search of............. but Hef was nowhere yet to be seen, now all i see is people, then i see the butt,.......... not just any butt, it's the one that follows around Kim Kardashian, and who's with Kim apart from Bruce Jenner? HEF!!
Sh*t, i'm gonna wait on this one i think, Sonya tells me that Hef's been trying to get Kim to pose nude in Playboy and up until now she's refused. Most of the girls who've posed in Playboy aren't pulling in sixty million a year i'm think'in were as Kim is, Playboy use to be the starting point for young models, broke young models, now Kim was neither so getting this "virginal" and "pure" Kardashian to maybe show her breasts or derriere was going to be Hef's Everest!
and was left wih the impression that Ben Stiller is genuinely a "good bloke".
Vince Neil made Elvis look anorexic!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: vince neil made elvis look anorexic australian generation x artist James DeWeaver
To be read after "Jesse James ISN'T a Tough guy" for continuity.
Sonya really had knowledge in someway on just about everyone we came across, she was young but beyond her years when it came to this lifestyle, and was the "perfect" match for me as a "companion" this night, Meredith was an added bonus thanks to the "Noh" crew being unable to attend to to their inebriation on the "green fairy", never mind their loss and my gain, i'm glad about that anyway, Yakuza aren't known for their "gentlemen" like behaviour when it comes to a female when they've paid for her!
Another thing i was glad to have with me that night was my dictaphone, it's voice-activated and recorded everything, if i didn't have this with me i would've never been able to write the recollections of a very wild night here and now.
After we left Glen we moved along the underground in the tunnel system until we arrived at the exit point and the entry point for the bowling alley. Sonya tells us to have a seat at this table which looked like the one in Happy Days at Al's, red leather upholstery, check red and white table top, look seriously out of place down here, she say's just sit down and wait, we all sit down and Sonya reached for the Pepper shaker and then pulled it forward and in doing so the table did a rapid one hundred and eighty degree turn and from being in the tunnels system to now what looks like the inside of a "Fifties" style burger joint with everything in here being authentic to that time period. Just incredible, this looks like something caught in a "timewarp"!
The place is completely empty, Sonya tells us that this hasn't been in use for many years now, no explanation was given. Too bad i'm thinking, this place was TOTALLY cool with all the authentic memoribilia. This was right near the bowling alley and as we exit the "burger joint" we begin to see people coming and going from the alley, we could be too late Sonya thinks, Hef doesn't stay anywhere too long nowadays she tells us,"he's ALWAYS on the go" which come to some surprise to me as the blokes in his eighties now!
She was right, we had been too late, the only person who i saw actually bowling was a porky looking Vince Neil, a failed lead singer for the band Motley Crue, a real "hair band" with Neil leaving the band in nineteen nintey two after years of chronic drug, alcohol and fast food abuse, leaving Neil obese and would make Elvis in his "fat" years look mildly anorexic!
"I don't wanna stay down here with that fat fu*khead" i emphatically tell Sonya, she agree's and we're soon back on our way with everyone else this time in leaving Neil to bowl all he wants BY HIMSELF! i noticed Ben Stiller was walking next to me and we had a laugh about Vince Neil and his "bowling"! i'd never met Ben before but we had a good laugh a Neil's expense, it seems i wasn't the only one who disliked Neil with a passion, Stiller had some less than favorable remarks which i won't re-print here although i will say they were brutal!
The four of us walked together back outside talking and laughing the whole way out, ya see Ben is funny as fu*k, a TRUE comedian as i would imagine Robin Williams to be, well atleast when he was in his natural prime, ........which is about twenty years ago now, last time i saw him on David Letterman he was about as funny as "root canal"!
Jesse James ISN'T a Tough guy!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: jesse james isn't a tough guy James DeWeaver australian generation x artist sandra bullock.#FreeJesseJames
To be read after "It was like Glee had come to life" for continuity in - 96 hrs. to L.A. and back!-
This "underground monorail" was so cool, we can just as easily walk down a flight of stairs, hop into this little monorail rig and be over to the Main House in about ten seconds flat! We'd already done this before except this time we were one down, so Meredith and i took the backseat this time while Sonya did the "driving", huh, all she really did was push forward a gear which engaged the magnets and we were off, moving on the monorail silently that is, and we were all MORE THAN OFF, "we were almost as fu*ked as you can get and still walk and talk"!
We go by the "Half Way" and i look over and see someone who hadn't been there my last time by or i didn't see him, which was what i wished had happened this time around, as Jesse James, that clown and "really" tough motorcyle rider, mechanic whatever the fu*k he does i could care less, the more i find out about him the more comprehensively i understand what a completely scummy dude he really is!
I'm NOT talking about the way he treated Sandra Buttock when he had that sex session with that fully body tattooed modern day circus freak, OH NO NOT ME, it's Jesse and this "outlaw" facade that this man persists on going to the point of a characiture with! Does he really think he's a BADA*S? Does he really think the hype of his more infamous relative and all of his thirteen robberies or attempts is something to be proud of?
I'm not sure, if he is or was such a "tough guy" why didn't he ever win the UFC World Championship, or even fight Chuck Lidell or Ken Shamrock or the greatest of them all Randy Couture even once? WHY NOT JESSE?
"The bandana across the forehead down over the eyebrows is "SO" fu*king nineteen eighty five it's not even funny"! I remember seeing Mike Muir, lead singer for the Suicidal Tendancies on Donahue circa nineteen eighty five wearing his bandana like that, with Jello Biafra,Dead Kennedy's, Wendy O Williams from the Plasmatics and some FU*KHEAD named Bob DeMoss, who swore on live television obscene words, from a Fundamentalist Christian group called "Focus on the Family", NOW THERE'S a fanatical bunch of Christian do-gooders if i've ever seen one! I hoped he (Jesse James) stayed there, at the "Half Way" that is, NOT in nineteen eighty five although that would be good know doubt!!
We passed by then Sonya slowed down and asked this really well dressed guy with long sandy blonde hair who looked like an old rocker if he "wanted a ride" at which point he turned around and immediately recognized Sonya and gave her a big ole' smile with brilliant white teeth flashing. Seeing this it was obvious they knew each other from sometime in the past as Sonya say's "hop on in Glen, i want you to meet two good friends of mine" We're introduced shook hands and as he sat down in the car with us he put his arm around Sonya's shoulder in a familial way.
Glen has a very strong south London accent from what i'm hearing, maybe Greenwich area, very distinctive, and to see if my guess is correct i asked Glen where abouts in England he was born, (as this is where their accents are "native" too, he could live anywhere in the world but his "native" accent still retains sounds only spoken in his regional dialect), just for the hell of it as i tell him my mother was born in the U.K. aswell which is true.
"Blackheath" he replied and started to talk to Sonya for all of about five seconds until we got to the main house "station". I was not far off in my guess as Blackheath is about a mile or so away from Greenwich. We get out and say goodbye to him as he went one way while we go the other, "ya know who that was don't you"? Sonya asks me, "Yeah,..... that was Glen" as i reply to her obvious question, she says in an almost condescending way, "that wasn't just Glen, that was "Glen Tipton, Grammy Award winning Guitarist from Judas Priest,....... that Glen!" Well i didn't know, how was i to know that was Glen Tipton from Judas Priest"?Sure they were huge when i lived in America, but that was nineteen eighty four!
It was like Glee had come to life!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: weird al yankovic can't dance James DeWeaver australian generation x artist weird al helen hunt
To be read after "I was like walking on the Moon" for continuity.
I was starting to get REALLY energetic after my brief but needed break and said to the ladies let's go have a boogie, there were DJ's there who were just outstanding, both in technique and sounds, total "Worldies"! We had a dance which i might add was something special, not only was i dancing with Sonya and Meredith, but with other people who were only seen by myself prior on the Television or the movie screen, there were some older groovers like Helen Hunt and "Weird" Al Yankovic having an "attempt" at dancing, Al was so fu*king over the top it was hilarious, aswell as a whole group of twenty somethings, apparently these were the "kids" of the older invited guests. It's like Glee had come too life here, all types, when you live in a community like these "kids" do and have all their life, reality is never part of the picture, i know this oh too well growing up in a town like Westport Ct.
These kids have in most not all but most cases have very little "expectation" placed on them in life as their parents are in general very wealthy, the father is often in a very prominent and important position in the culture with little or no time to be around a growing and impressionable youth and in this environment these kids "go feral", they are brought up their entire lives with this life already in place, a kind of cage, as they know that if they stick to the "program" do well in school, go to an Ivy League College etc, etc, and then they too will also be able to lead a very insulated and priveleged lifestyle and be able to live in affluent places like Westport or Greenich.
These kids party hard, live too fast and in some tragic endings die way too young, sons and daughters of the "famous"...... special people, atleast that's what the culture says. Many clearly are just like the three of us so we all join in to what is a really random mix of the famous, some infamous and some really just twisted characters you'd only see in L.A.
This was wild but we or should i say that i was really ready to move on and continue on the mission. We wrap up when Sonya get's a phone message, Hef's P.A. , Sonya tells me she wanted to know where abouts we were, and that Hef was heading down to go bowling and that it might be a good time to see him. Hef was a bigtime bowler, well atleast when he was younger, but the Mansion has it's own bowling alley, and Sonya tells me that she knows the shortcut from here and grabs my hand i already had Merediths and we head to the main house via the garden shed! I said garden shed and that's what it was, ya see we were at THAT point in time as far from the main house as you could get, there were probably five to eight hundred people here and there was a snowball's chance in hell that we'd be able to get to see Hef if we had to walk there.
So in back of the tennis court we enter what in the end in just another "station" for the underground monorail, when we got onto this the first time we were about halfway, now we were at the "Coney Island" end of the line.This was a great idea, if Sonya wasn't with me forget it, NO CHANCE, she really was a major help the whole time. She codes into the wall her password and we are in! The false wall slides open revealing the familiar downward stairs like before. We go in and the automatic door closes behind us. The stairs have a red glow until we hit platform level then the multi-colored lights re-appear, WHAT A TRIP!
I was like "walking on the Moon"!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: i was like walking on the moon australian generation x artist James DeWeaver
To be read after "A Jackson Pollock like style in Beer and Faeces" for continuity in - 96 hrs. to L.A. and back!
I was just about done with the doobie and feeling alittle more aware, focused maybe, but as soon as i was finished Sonya say's "there he is!" as she points we look and sure enough there he was alright, the only problem is we were up here and he was down there, surrounded by about three hundred people.
The ladies and i quickly head off the same way we got up here and are through and down the building in what seemed to be five seconds flat, it couldn't of possibly been that quick but we, or should i say me, was so fu*king high at this point in time it felt like i was "moon walking"!
This was radical, a feeling of being as light as a feather, and the colors of the attention drawing laser lights and their projections instantly grab my attention as soon as we step out into the night again.
Now this is when the "trip" totally came on, i guess with the reefer and the excitement of running through and down the building, my heart rate increased and pumped more blood through my body again, "ya gotta move when your on these you just can't sit and do nothing" this is exactly why you see so many people continuously dancing at "dance parties", their just keeping the drugs circulating through their bodies!
Though truly wasted i'm still completely lucid, and as we go through what looks like an "after party" for the Oscars, there's famous people left and right, some who were more fu*ked than me, i was atleast still able to walk and talk somehow, but i felt like i was in a strange sort of Disneyland gone triple XXX!
We were able to get a rough bearing on where Hef was from our position above, NOW all we had to do was somehow get to where he was last. We walked by a couple of older women, not quite Hef's age but not far off, who looked like they'd seen the same butcher, i mean "plastic" surgeon as Bruce "fu*k'in" Jenner, ........... these women really did look like aliens and weird old ones at that!!
It always amazes me when i come here to see what some people will do to themselves by way of cosmetic surgery in a vain attempt to peel back the years and years in their life when they weren't or couldn't be what they desired too be, and in a final act of self mutilization they rid the old shame filled former self with a completely new "plastic" and shallow artificial self in the place of the old shattered former self persona,........... for these unfortunate people never will see who they were and what they were meant too be and look-like, Mickey Rourke would be the "Poster" guy for this kind of personality inversion in my opinion.
He was not here, but Bruce Willis was, now there's a man who's really seen the WILD SIDE of life! From what i was told about Bruce was that he was "the" man in the seventies who had THE best drugs going, especially LSD, don't know why exactly, but he was the sh*t when it came to Acid in L.A. this is only "alleged", i'm not saying it's true for legality!
The closer we got to where we thought Hef was, i began to hear accoustic, unplugged guitars and singing, i recognize the song but am not able to tell you which one although i do remember it's a song sung by the Red Hot Chilli Peppers(incredible name for a rock band). I can see my way over the heads of most of the guests here tonight and in doing so can see Flea, the bassist for the RHCP, who i might add was born in Australia, bopping away like he always does when he's playing his killer bass, and Anthony next to he singing, just the two of them, they were really having fun as was i for i was here, not just here,................ BUT was "totally fu*ked off my face as well"!
A Jackson Pollock like style in Beer and Faeces!
Posted by James DeWeaver
| tags: James DeWeaver a jackson pollock like style in beer and faeces #charliesheen australian generation x artist charlie sheen
To be read after "Steve-O had a tube up his butt there" for continuity in- 96 hrs. to L.A. and back!
We're all fixated at this act of pure stupidity down below as i take a load off my feet to roll a nice bit of this Charlie Sheen bud up into an epic spliff. We continue to watch as the crowd begins to build around Steve-O as he's almost "downed" if that's the correct word for what i'm seeing this fruitcake act out in front of our very eyes, there must be sixty?.......eighty.?..... fu*k, there must be atleast eighty people NOT including us in this "beer slammer" too remember!
There,......... he just finished getting what i would guesstimate to be atleast two litres of beer forced by gravity up his "date"- What a fu*king MORON"! What sort of KNUCKLE-HEAD does such things?Taking a closer look at Steve-O..... he's really not looking too crash hot after this little experiment of a beer colonic, and in such obvious discomfort as you clearly would be if you had done this thing yourself at home which i DON'T recommend unless YOU ARE Steve-O! Everyone's REALLY beginning to laugh really loudly at this modern day "Jester" for lack of a better word, and Steve-O really plays his part well!
He stood up and REALLY looks in a bad way, he actually didn't stand up straight or pull his pants up either, and so this blokes bent over ass out and co*k and balls out aswell as the lights flash and video phones record. What does he decide to do................... well Steve-O, the bright bloke he is suddenly begins to run after someone who was not known to any of the three of us around a function table until he'd(Steve-O) trapped the other bloke by the marquee canvas sides and the table, Steve-O quickly turned, bent over and dropped his pants and like a "rectal Howitzer" began to expel from his anus probably half of what he "swallowed" moment's prior in a matter of maybe two seconds at the very most........ and hitting the guy almost entirely from the waist up - including HIS FACE!
UN-BEFU*K'INLIEVABLE, aswell as leaving a "Jackson Pollock" like style of beer and faeces painting on the marquee canvas, except for where the dude was standing, it was.......... amazingly gross, just leaving a clean white silhouette of his presence around this brown discoloring,..well sh*t! I'll remember that, or more like will be unable to forget it as will the girls and anyone who witnessed this for i'd imagine a very long time, why he did that who the fu*k would know.......it's Steve-O, he'd be dumber than a forty pound sh*thammer!
We're so grossed-out we completely get up and shift to the other side of the walk and i can tell you the Charlie Sheen has done it's job again, it REALLY DID give us a quick lift and really helped "kick back in" the MDMA bigtime, this was really good sh*t, compared to everything i'd ever had in the past i would've already peaked-out by now, but this was different, this was a "creeper" drug, it lured you in by making you think it wasn't strong when in fact it was really strong and can fu*k you up BIGTIME, i know the reality about this sh*t from experience!
This is the main problem with "creeper", with some people who don't know any better, they take it, wait twenty minutes and don't feel anything so they decide to TAKE ANOTHER even before the first one's had a chance to dissolve and circulate through their bodies and brain, and it's not until another twenty minutes or so later they feel the effects from the FIRST pill and it NOT being a DUD,..... when the second pill hits home man these kids minds are fully fu*k'in blown and it sure as fu*k wouldn't be fun or enjoyable i can assure you on that!