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Lauren Barnhart

my blog
Fear Of Being Exposed  
Posted 3/21/13

I am in the final stages before releasing my memoir, and for a few weeks there, I dealt with a paralyzing fear.  All I could think about are the attacks people will make on my character (though I’ve been attacked by readers before, on numerous occasions).   Or the ways in which certain people in the book will feel misrepresented or insulted (though I did my best to tell my story as it actually happened).    I listened to my dad telling stories about my sister and I over family dinner, and reali... [more]

Being A Woman Artist  
Posted 3/21/13

““You don’t really want to be a poet.  First of all, if you’re a woman, you have to be three times as good as any of the men.  Secondly, you have to fuck everyone.  And thirdly, you have to be dead.” – a male poet, in conversation (Jong, 43)”        I recommend the poem that follows in Erica Jong’s book of poems, Fruits and Vegetables, first published in 1968.  The other day a photographer came to my apartment to photograph me for a book he’s doing on artists and writers.  After a long email dialogue... [more]

The Birth Of Frankenstein  
Posted 3/21/13

I had a dream the other night, that I was one of three siblings.  One sibling had stripped our father of his skin to see how we are made.  He was laid out on a gurney, and we looked at the red layers of muscle, studying how they fold and overlap. Our father was invincible and extremely angry.  Maybe it was the process we had put him through, or maybe he was that way before, but he was insane and out to get us.  Wherever we went, he followed – all over the world.  We were on the run, and the sit... [more]

My Life As An Art Model  
Posted 3/21/13

You may remember that I wrote a post a while back about making my living as an Art Model.  I’ve been modeling now for the past eighteen months, and I actually receive more work than I can handle.  It’s strange that all of my previous jobs gave me anxiety, but for some reason being naked on a stage in front of twenty people totally relaxes me.  I feel safe up there, in the artist’s appreciation and quiet meditation on the human form. Last Sunday night I went to my first studio as an artist.  I... [more]

Scent Of The Circus  
Posted 3/21/13

I just finished reading My Apprenticeships, by Colette - the French novelist and performer born in 1873, most famous for the novel Gigi.  My love for the writing of Colette has always felt like a guilty pleasure – like intensely dark chocolate, a red bouduior drenched in velvet, or my new perfume Black Afgano, a hypnotic blend of hashish and tobacco.  I slip into Colette’s books and fall away from distraction – finding complete understanding of all that I have left behind to be with her. My Appr... [more]

How We Perceive Nudity  
Posted 3/21/13

In my evolution of what I like to call “Gypsy Jobs” my latest addition is working as a model for the art school up the hill.  I have always had a fascination with Bohemian Paris, artists and their muses, Kiki de Montparnasse.  So after several months of thinking about it, I finally brought in my application. On my first day I had two back-to-back three-hour classes.  Bright and early that morning, when I usually wake up, I began with an open studio, monitored by a student.  There is always that i... [more]

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